To Cope
by Heleentje
Summary: Yubel tries to deal with the aftermath of her transformation. Juudai is not happy.


Not much to say, all you need to know is that it takes place in Juudai's and Yubel's past lives, right after Yubel's transformation.

**Disclaimer:** Still don't own GX

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**To Cope**

"Yubel, why in the world did you do that?"

Yubel winced. Juudai's voice, though laced with worry, only served to increase the pain in her head. She kept her eyes closed, but she could hear him close the curtains and extinguish the only lamp in the room.

"To protect you," she replied, and for a moment she was surprised at the hoarseness of her voice. Her throat hurt. She attributed it to the screaming she must've done, but couldn't quite remember. She felt the bed move. Juudai had returned. He pressed the rim of something -a cup, she realized- against her lips and she drank gratefully.

"Orange juice?"

"Yes," Juudai said, putting the cup away. "I wanted to get tea but there wasn't any honey left in the kitchens, and I know you don't like it without honey, so I went to the orchard and picked some oranges."

"From the tree you fell out of last year?" she teased lightly, trying to alleviate the mood. It seemed to work, because Juudai laughed softly and made a slight noise in agreement. They sat in silence for a while, until Yubel heard Juudai slump and sigh.

"Why did you do it?" he asked again, and Yubel heard the pain and… anger? She finally opened her eyes and groaned when the few rays of light that made it past the curtains hit her. Juudai was a vague shape to her right. She squinted and he became clearer, but at the same time she noticed her body. It wasn't her own anymore.

She hadn't actually expected anything else, but the change was dramatic and only now did she fully realize the implications of what she had done. She lifted one hand and flexed it, feeling the claws against her palm. Too large for a human.

Fit for a dragon.

"Are you angry?" she asked, and Juudai turned to fully look at her. She expected him to recoil, maybe leave the room and abandon her, but instead he took her hand and grasped it tightly between his own, smaller ones.

"Angry?" he echoed. "Of course I'm angry!" Yubel winced again and he immediately lowered his voice, "Of course I'm angry. Just, why?"

"You need to be protected... I need to protect you."

"It's not necessary!" he shouted -softly- "I'm not the most important thing in the universe!"

"Yes, you are," she disagreed immediately, in a way that reminded her strongly of their old banter. To me, she didn't say, because he knew that. To the world.

"You are the Haou," she continued. Her voice felt stronger now. It was getting less painful to talk. "Without you, the universe will not survive."

"That doesn't make it right! Yubel…" he lowered his head. "How do you think I feel about this?" his voice was breaking, just like her own had. "Do you think I wanted this? What made you think… Why did you think I wanted you to suffer like this?!"

"Juudai…" she struggled to get up. There was something on her back, something huge. She had wings now, she decided, faintly amused. Would she be able to fly? Would she be able to take Juudai with her?

Would he want her to?

She used the hand Juudai wasn't holding to keep her balance and studied Juudai in the low light of the room. Her vision was… Not better, but different. She could see the aura that surrounded him: a deep darkness, yet so gentle, so comforting… Like Juudai himself. He truly was the embodiment of the Gentle Darkness.

But he was crying, she saw now. He didn't make a sound, but she could see the tears on his face.

"Do you know what it felt like?" he asked, and his voice sounded as hoarse as hers now. "I… I heard you scream and I ran but they tried to stop me and I…" he paused, gasping for breath. "I got in and you were screaming, but they didn't stop and they didn't listen to me and you just kept screaming… Oh, Yubel!"

He was sobbing, clutching her hand like a lifeline and Yubel tried to get up completely so she could do more than just listen. But to no avail. Her body was foreign to her, she didn't know how to move right, how to keep her balance with the wings folded on her back. She couldn't even feel her legs and her vision was still trying to cope with all the new things she could see. How could she protect Juudai now if she couldn't even move?

"I," Juudai swallowed heavily. "I just wish I wouldn't have to see you like this."

"Like… This?" Yubel questioned, a heavy feeling settling in her stomach. Had she thought wrong? Was he going to leave her after all?

"Yeah… Just seeing you here like this…"

"I see." Yubel said, struggling to keep her voice level. "I see. I will leave."

"What?" Juudai said sharply.

"I have promised to protect you, and I will fulfill my duty. But if you truly do not wish to see me I will protect you from afar."

"What are you talking a- Oh!" Juudai turned to her abruptly. "No, you don't understand! Yubel, I don't care what you look like! Why would that matter to me?"

"I'm hideous," Yubel closed her hand sadly and looked at the claws and the leathery skin. "And you said…"

"I did not want to see you in pain!" Juudai shouted, and immediately apologized when he saw her wince again. "Sorry, I just meant… I didn't want to see you suffering for me. And I really don't care what you look like. You're Yubel, and I love you!"

"You don't mind? You really don't?"

Juudai took the hand he was holding and pressed a soft kiss to the back, then hugged her carefully and buried his head in her hair. "I love you," he whispered. "Just you. No matter what you look like or what you do."

Yubel smiled lovingly and stroked his back. "Juudai… You shouldn't. There will be other people. Better people."

"Never," Juudai hugged her closer. "Only you, Yubel. No one else will ever compare to you."

"You're just saying that," Yubel whispered, almost too soft for Juudai to hear. He let go of her and looked straight into her eyes.

"Who could be better than you? Who would ever be capable of making such a sacrifice? People say they'll die for us. They say they'll die for the king and for the prince… But dying is easy. You lived. You had to go through so much pain and you still lived," he took a deep breath. " I swear, Yubel. Only you. Always, forever and ever."

And although she could still barely move and had to let go of Juudai to keep her balance, Yubel decided that she had made the right decision. All the pain she had felt was worth it. Because this was Juudai, and she would protect him and love him forever.


End file.
